The Chaos Within - 'Just Maybe' and 'Why Care?'

On the 19th of August begins the Asia Pacific conference on HIV and AIDS in Colombo.

Wake Up Pune will be represented by a poster presentation: 'Can grassroots NGOs collaborate on a citywide awareness campaign? Challenges of Wake Up Pune, India.'

The Wake Up Pune campaign has had moderate success. It is difficult to gauge the success only by numbers - although the number of people reached is important - and the baseline survey conducted last December/January will allow for us to sit back and plan how we move ahead.

Why has it taken so long for us to analyse this data?

We have not been able to identify the manpower required to enter and collate the data. This may sound lame. And it is. The concerns of the day often lead to simple procedures being sidelined or pushed back, and the dependence on volunteers (local and international) to sit in front of a computer and enter data (mind numbing) is not ideal.

Its even boring to write about. Already we are challenged. Priorities.

Campaigns, rallies, sessions in corporates and schools, rock shows, these events excite us and bring out our creativity.

And in a resource limited setting like ours we struggle to ensure that a simple procedure like entering data is completed. The analysis is the interesting part... this will challenge us and drive us and push us towards other forms of creativity as we come together and plan and implement programmes and activities.

Baseline data helps though... What is the situation on the ground? How much do people know? Do they know how to protect themselves? What are their attitudes towards people living with HIV?

Basic, very basic, and all else is assumption, arguably even the data will lead to more assumptions because the representative sample is well under 10,000.

Why such a small sample for such a large campaign?

Lack of resources, manpower, interviewers... interest.

HIV is so highly publicised, even by us, and sensationalised, that for many its just another issue: poverty, corruption, child sexual abuse, cancer... why care so much about HIV? Its here, it now appears endemic amongst certain people, so fingers are pointed, heads will shake, tongues will be clicked in sadness (often genuine), stigma will continue and the fear of discrimination will lead more people (even if its not the certain people everyone associates HIV with) into the shadows of denial, carelessness, and stifled suffering.

Why care?

This is our greatest challenge.

Why care?

The 'shoulds' and 'oughts' and 'musts' have fallen of deaf hairy ears for decades. What will change with HIV? Its just another issue for activists to bang on about, bleeding hearts to cry about, NGO workers to scrape a living about, philanthropists to feel good about, corrupt officials to make money about, scientists to do research about... and people living with HIV to struggle with. Every day for the rest of their (apparently shortened) lives.

Defeatist? Yes, we feel defeated, sure.

• When a healthy client commits suicide, we feel defeated.
• When corruption rears its ugly head, and funds line pockets and wallets of people like us in the field, we feel defeated.
• When a young wife pleads with us to save her husband, but we know he cannot be saved, we feel defeated.

At least, I do. For that moment. The moments recently have been many.

But, fuck it. There is no retreat. And while we can't force people to care, we are surrounded by people who do. Naive, simple, idiotic caring people, because at the end of the day that is what we are called. The cynicism we use to protect ourselves, the anger, the sarcasm, the gentleness, the laughter, the dancing, the beers, the singing, the music, the table tennis, the arguments, the madness... we all have our ways, helps us.

And maybe, just maybe, if the caring around has infected us and sustained us, and those with us, then just maybe, it will infect those people who ask the question: why care?

It is this 'just maybe' that makes us get up every morning. Its not really hope, its just... just maybe. In a field that is as complex as HIV and AIDS in India, with social, cultural, economic, religious, medical, political, environmental (yes, you read correctly)... with every facet of our lives affected, the 'just maybe' is crucial. It is as crucial to our existence as the question 'why care' is to those who ask it, and use it, understandably, to live their lives in peace, with a conscience that does not then question back.

There is nothing special about what we do, and it is important to remember this. There is also nothing that is not special about those who ask 'why care?'

If you don't believe me, watch CNN.